I'm having a little difficulty with myself.
So, in six days I'm going to my first real day of actual work. Landed a new job (finally!) that I want and I think I will be good at and will probably like. All of that went down last week, and earlier this week, while out for lunch with Ricardo, I got the call to confirm it. It was the best single moment of Tuesday, let me tell you.
So, we're driving back to my house, in Ricardo's car. And we're talking a bit and he shakes my hand and I thumb through my phone and he sees me and he kind of laughs and I know why he laughs. and I beat him to the punch and I tell him that, yes, this would be the moment...
...no.
Anyway, so I start my new job in a few days, and as we're talking, I say to Ricardo that for me it's about who you can't wait to tell things to, good and not so good. The first person you can't wait to talk to. He nods in agreement. And we get home.
I'm a cynical person, and I'm obstinate, and I'm a frightened little man.
Showing posts with label boy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label boy. Show all posts
Friday, September 3, 2010
Friday, April 2, 2010
Tonight, Next Year
We went to lunch and a short walk and a movie and a fast-food dinner.
We talk for hours about meaningful things. And there've been some frustrations on both sides of the conversation over the last year.
One of the things we talked about today (yesterday?) was time and how I feel my perception of time is skewed. Before, I've said that there is no such thing as time, and I'm awake all it is is change and entropy (grand and original though, hey?). But as we're talking briefly about the preceeding year, and I think again how everything that happened last year had to have happened in my life, it still feels as if everything was just yesterday (more accurately, all of it happened last week), and he says he feels he's a bit more removed than I am from all of that. Last year wasn't absolutely terrible, but it wasn't good, was it?
And when we're laying next to each other - sweat and come spent - I feel like I'm trying to see if tonight will seem like yesterday next year. Or if he'll see tonight as having happened years ago next year.
We both agreed that everything that's happened since January seems to be compressed into a much shorter amount of time than three months. A lot has indeed happened in three months for him and me and us, definitely not everything has been unambiguous and not everything has been sad.
Just got off the phone with my best friend and we're talking, not about time, no, but we're talking about making reckless choices, or having the choices be made for us. Which is the better option? As I tend to do, I vote for the former.
So, we strip off each other's clothes and move and maneuver and kiss and grind and lick and envelop each other and you know what? fuck next year.
We talk for hours about meaningful things. And there've been some frustrations on both sides of the conversation over the last year.
One of the things we talked about today (yesterday?) was time and how I feel my perception of time is skewed. Before, I've said that there is no such thing as time, and I'm awake all it is is change and entropy (grand and original though, hey?). But as we're talking briefly about the preceeding year, and I think again how everything that happened last year had to have happened in my life, it still feels as if everything was just yesterday (more accurately, all of it happened last week), and he says he feels he's a bit more removed than I am from all of that. Last year wasn't absolutely terrible, but it wasn't good, was it?
And when we're laying next to each other - sweat and come spent - I feel like I'm trying to see if tonight will seem like yesterday next year. Or if he'll see tonight as having happened years ago next year.
We both agreed that everything that's happened since January seems to be compressed into a much shorter amount of time than three months. A lot has indeed happened in three months for him and me and us, definitely not everything has been unambiguous and not everything has been sad.
Just got off the phone with my best friend and we're talking, not about time, no, but we're talking about making reckless choices, or having the choices be made for us. Which is the better option? As I tend to do, I vote for the former.
So, we strip off each other's clothes and move and maneuver and kiss and grind and lick and envelop each other and you know what? fuck next year.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Friday, February 19, 2010
Thursday, February 4, 2010
We Laugh
What's been happening isn't anything that's too surprising...for me.
And what's been happening is also one of the most beautiful adventures of my thirty-three years.
My lack of a life plan never included anything like what Corey brings to my life. And that IS surprising. What isn't is that I click so well with him. That he gets me and if he doesn't he tries to (people just don't try anymore, do they?). And he's funny and insanely smart and beautiful and such a nerd and such a lovely human. I say a lot how lucky I am to have him in my life, and I know I am. It isn't often if ever that anyone out in the world who isn't family, with one exception, astonishes me as much as he does. This is no hyperbole.
So, this man in the photo with me (which he took), the one I'm laughing with (were we laughing at the idea of taking pictures? waking up in the hotel after little sleep and lots of nakedness?), is he the one I've been waiting for only I didn't know it? I don't know...
...but I definitely want to find out.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Boy
There really is something about a boy in jeans.
I'm lying naked on his bed and he comes out of his bathroom, a towel around his shoulders and I see the way his muscles are relaxed and he walks over to his dresser and picks out a pair of briefs and walks over to his closet and puts them on and in that very oh-my-! way they fit him - hugging him in every right way - I can't help but look as he picks out a pair of blue jeans and he leans over to put one leg through and then the other, the sinew of his back bends and flexes in near-apocalyptic ways, and he rights himself and buttons them and he throws his towel at me because I've been watching him with such awe, I must look like I've a few too many chromosomes.
It's the way he holds my hand as we walk down the street.
It's certainly the way when I open my eyes and meet his gaze and see that smile as he lies beneath or on top of me. I wonder what he's thinking. Because I'm thinking I'm this fortunate that this is who I get to share this rightnowthisverysecond moment with. Makes me think of things like fairy tales being true and genuine. Maybe is the lack of space between our skins that seals what's wonderful about this moment, feeling him writhe all along my body, the way his flesh gives way to mine and the way his sweat makes him taste.
The way when we're sitting in the dark of a movie theater, watching some story that's already derivative of something from ten years back, and maybe we're both leaning into the armrest between us just so that our arms are touching and I move to cross my leg ankle to knee, his thigh mere millimeters away, and he slides a hand over my leg and clasps mine and we continue watching the movie and i rest my head on his shoulder and everything is alright with the world.
It's not surrender when he wins.
And when I see him for the first time on any given sun-flooded day, he smiles and says hi and puts his arms around me and I've mine around his waist and I can feel him everywhere and he kisses me the way it supposed to be and I smell the way he smells and there's no music playing but that's okay.
I'm lying naked on his bed and he comes out of his bathroom, a towel around his shoulders and I see the way his muscles are relaxed and he walks over to his dresser and picks out a pair of briefs and walks over to his closet and puts them on and in that very oh-my-! way they fit him - hugging him in every right way - I can't help but look as he picks out a pair of blue jeans and he leans over to put one leg through and then the other, the sinew of his back bends and flexes in near-apocalyptic ways, and he rights himself and buttons them and he throws his towel at me because I've been watching him with such awe, I must look like I've a few too many chromosomes.
It's the way he holds my hand as we walk down the street.
It's certainly the way when I open my eyes and meet his gaze and see that smile as he lies beneath or on top of me. I wonder what he's thinking. Because I'm thinking I'm this fortunate that this is who I get to share this rightnowthisverysecond moment with. Makes me think of things like fairy tales being true and genuine. Maybe is the lack of space between our skins that seals what's wonderful about this moment, feeling him writhe all along my body, the way his flesh gives way to mine and the way his sweat makes him taste.
The way when we're sitting in the dark of a movie theater, watching some story that's already derivative of something from ten years back, and maybe we're both leaning into the armrest between us just so that our arms are touching and I move to cross my leg ankle to knee, his thigh mere millimeters away, and he slides a hand over my leg and clasps mine and we continue watching the movie and i rest my head on his shoulder and everything is alright with the world.
It's not surrender when he wins.
And when I see him for the first time on any given sun-flooded day, he smiles and says hi and puts his arms around me and I've mine around his waist and I can feel him everywhere and he kisses me the way it supposed to be and I smell the way he smells and there's no music playing but that's okay.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
