Year Four

I feel that dry itchy bit in the back of my throat that signals a bit of a cold. Have a headache that hasn't gone away. Physically, I'm not feeling my best (nevermind the sore muscles, the cut up hands, and the blistered and callused feet).

Three years ago, so I got a phone call.

I remember back in fall (I think) of 2008, I realized that all my bellyaching and crying and bullshitting about being sick wasn't getting me anywhere except ridiculous nights of non-sleep and lots of stress. I think I remember feeling, at various points, indestructible. But when I got sick last month while at Corey's, it wasn't so much that I felt it was one of those little emergencies, and right now, me sitting here typing this (can you get tennis elbow even when you don't play that awful tennis?), fearing that sickness again, I realize, of course, that I am not indestructible.

(Did that last sentence even make sense?)

Anyway, even though my fingers have little red cuts all over, I'm looking at tomorrow, the start of my fourth year with my little virus, and as before, it's something that I'm not necessarily not looking forward to, but rather, wondering what it'll bring me physically. I mean, I've been fortunate to be honest: after first talking with Corey and my doctor so long ago, a lot of the things that they said 'could' happen haven't happened. I've not been on the cusp of death nor hospitalized, nothing like that. I think my mind is different, sure, but better than then. All of which is good. But, yes, year four. Which seems weird to think about. It is. I'm not sure if I can describe why; my head is a little full of emotional bugs.

Even through this pre-illness right now, I had a flash that, yes, I will make it to my sixties. Is that weird? Me being overconfident? Who knows, but after a good portion of time now, it seems rather weird to think of my life in terms of a video game character's hit points. I don't know anything about the next thirty odd years, but that smile earlier today at work, my hands being all cut up, my throat being itchy, and my writing this now, I'll take it. Why not?