So, things:
* * *
A couple weeks ago, I went to my summer/fall doctor's appointment. Everything was surprisingly good: my numbers were all spot on (my doctor said my t-cell count's the highest it's been since I started seeing him in 2007), I lost somewhere between ten and twelve pounds since I last saw him, and the liver sonogram I had in the spring revealed nothing serious, but the caveat is that I've a fatty liver, which, he said, could lead to cirrhosis. Doctor said I HAVE TO EXERCISE MORE AND EAT BETTER. When he said it, I imagined it all in capital letters, yes. He's never really said anything as far as exercising nor adjusting my diet - he always said before how I was in excellent health. But I think, and he knows, that all the down time I had in the middle of the year definitely affected my body. Now, obviously, he wants me to go back to there. I've had two failed attempts at regular exercising in as many weeks, and my diet's still the same. I start, yet again, on Sunday.
Last night's med-term elections always bring up something I hate about people. Not so much the voting or lack thereof, nor even the outcome (although mr Dean Trippe does a damn good job in covering the same bases I'd in mind): it's how, suddenly, from everywhere, the day of election, everyone's about get out and vote and get out and vote, and I ask what their positions are and they really have no clue what the hell they're even voting for. What any long-term situations my arise, what outcomes in other states could have in California, or even who the fuck their district representative is. It's such mindlessness and superficiality that blows me away. I hate to say that lots of people I know personally are like that, and I'm not saying that I'm perfect by any means, but I think it's okay to say, "I don't know," every once in a while instead of pretending otherwise. James Robinson put it best in STARMAN.
Over on 405, I've been posting not-so-random songs. Because I listen to them ad nauseum because of what I described over in the previous post from two weeks ago or so, and the break up. First, the obligatory Atmosphere, FUCK YOU LUCY and Then, Smashing Pumpkins's HELLO KITTY KAT, TV On The Radio's AMBULANCE, LCD Soundsystem's I CAN CHANGE, Mikey Dread's SCHOOL GIRL, and Amanda Palmer's LEEDS UNITED. I had a conversation with Golden a couple weeks back where of course I said to her I'm not over the boy, but it's not like I want him back. I'm a weird sort of lull as far as he's concerned. My awkwardness when recently we saw each other notwithstanding, I'm not sure I even want to talk to him again. Which is so counterproductive: wish I could ask why, you know, but then I think, fuck it: I'll keep hitting REPLAY when these tracks come on.
I think I'm lonely.
Saw David Fincher's THE SOCIAL NETWORK and Mark Romanek's NEVER LET ME GO last week. Both were so abso-fucking-lutely fantastic. The former was such a machine gun spray of dialogue and story and movement and laughter and, even, a bit of sympathy. It perfectly encapsulates what this supposed generation has to offer the world, and at the same time, how they distance themselves from each other as a social norm. At the same time, for me, it put into perspective why I was the last person I knew who used Facebook and how, even now, I don't think I get it. Lastly, I think it made a pretty decent point about how everyone everywhere in your circle can know everything about you without you even knowing, and how it takes away some of few unique qualities your life may have by having it shared and diluted by your 'friends'.
NEVER LET ME GO on the other hand had me in tears throughout. Because it is about the brevity that is life and how you go through it, the span you get. Either as an icy bitch who will only realize she's a bad person at the very end, or as an idealist and optimist who's willing to put his heart on the line every time and who is willing to be willfully naive that life will always be better if only you wish hard enough, or as a realist who can see before her what life really is and all the types of people who surround her, even her friends and family, and realizing that it's not all games and ice cream, and still venturing out into the world with steady steps, a little heartbreak, courage, and lost relationships.
Next week I'll see Danny Boyle's 127 HOURS.
Still hoping to make it to Las Vegas for my birthday. Doesn't look good right now, but if I do, Golden says Chuck Ragan and Lucero will be in town then. This is where praying would come in handy if it was at all useful.
At work, my boss and her boss have briefly discussed what I might want my future to be with the company. Both will be in tomorrow. And, as I think about these small conversations, it becomes rather obvious to me that I'm overqualified for my job, and that I can do my boss's assistant's job a thousand times better than he does. Which isn't to say he's bad at it, but I know I'm better. Hopefully, as time moves toward December 3rd, I'll be able to gauge better where I want to be if there are possibilities. Because I feel older every day and I'm tired. And maybe, frankly, putting some thought into MY future is more than due. I like that everyone who can do something about work for me is talking about me in this manner. Because even though most anyone else would simply just kick back, I know it will pay off. I always know it will and then does.
Finally, this is my favorite book of the year: COMING & CRYING. It made me cry and it made me think and it made me laugh and it made me cheer and it made me nostalgic and it made me yearn and it made complete when I needed it the most.*
*it may still be available!
* * *
Last night's med-term elections always bring up something I hate about people. Not so much the voting or lack thereof, nor even the outcome (although mr Dean Trippe does a damn good job in covering the same bases I'd in mind): it's how, suddenly, from everywhere, the day of election, everyone's about get out and vote and get out and vote, and I ask what their positions are and they really have no clue what the hell they're even voting for. What any long-term situations my arise, what outcomes in other states could have in California, or even who the fuck their district representative is. It's such mindlessness and superficiality that blows me away. I hate to say that lots of people I know personally are like that, and I'm not saying that I'm perfect by any means, but I think it's okay to say, "I don't know," every once in a while instead of pretending otherwise. James Robinson put it best in STARMAN.
* * *
Over on 405, I've been posting not-so-random songs. Because I listen to them ad nauseum because of what I described over in the previous post from two weeks ago or so, and the break up. First, the obligatory Atmosphere, FUCK YOU LUCY and Then, Smashing Pumpkins's HELLO KITTY KAT, TV On The Radio's AMBULANCE, LCD Soundsystem's I CAN CHANGE, Mikey Dread's SCHOOL GIRL, and Amanda Palmer's LEEDS UNITED. I had a conversation with Golden a couple weeks back where of course I said to her I'm not over the boy, but it's not like I want him back. I'm a weird sort of lull as far as he's concerned. My awkwardness when recently we saw each other notwithstanding, I'm not sure I even want to talk to him again. Which is so counterproductive: wish I could ask why, you know, but then I think, fuck it: I'll keep hitting REPLAY when these tracks come on.
* * *
I think I'm lonely.
* * *
Saw David Fincher's THE SOCIAL NETWORK and Mark Romanek's NEVER LET ME GO last week. Both were so abso-fucking-lutely fantastic. The former was such a machine gun spray of dialogue and story and movement and laughter and, even, a bit of sympathy. It perfectly encapsulates what this supposed generation has to offer the world, and at the same time, how they distance themselves from each other as a social norm. At the same time, for me, it put into perspective why I was the last person I knew who used Facebook and how, even now, I don't think I get it. Lastly, I think it made a pretty decent point about how everyone everywhere in your circle can know everything about you without you even knowing, and how it takes away some of few unique qualities your life may have by having it shared and diluted by your 'friends'.
NEVER LET ME GO on the other hand had me in tears throughout. Because it is about the brevity that is life and how you go through it, the span you get. Either as an icy bitch who will only realize she's a bad person at the very end, or as an idealist and optimist who's willing to put his heart on the line every time and who is willing to be willfully naive that life will always be better if only you wish hard enough, or as a realist who can see before her what life really is and all the types of people who surround her, even her friends and family, and realizing that it's not all games and ice cream, and still venturing out into the world with steady steps, a little heartbreak, courage, and lost relationships.
Next week I'll see Danny Boyle's 127 HOURS.
* * *
Still hoping to make it to Las Vegas for my birthday. Doesn't look good right now, but if I do, Golden says Chuck Ragan and Lucero will be in town then. This is where praying would come in handy if it was at all useful.
* * *
At work, my boss and her boss have briefly discussed what I might want my future to be with the company. Both will be in tomorrow. And, as I think about these small conversations, it becomes rather obvious to me that I'm overqualified for my job, and that I can do my boss's assistant's job a thousand times better than he does. Which isn't to say he's bad at it, but I know I'm better. Hopefully, as time moves toward December 3rd, I'll be able to gauge better where I want to be if there are possibilities. Because I feel older every day and I'm tired. And maybe, frankly, putting some thought into MY future is more than due. I like that everyone who can do something about work for me is talking about me in this manner. Because even though most anyone else would simply just kick back, I know it will pay off. I always know it will and then does.
* * *
Finally, this is my favorite book of the year: COMING & CRYING. It made me cry and it made me think and it made me laugh and it made me cheer and it made me nostalgic and it made me yearn and it made complete when I needed it the most.*
*it may still be available!
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