hey.
i'm not sure what happened but good luck and i'm sorry.
i'm sorry for being an impossible person to get through to.  i built up very many walls very fast when i feel i'm wronged, real or not.  but you know this. i told you this the last time we talked.
and whether or not i'm right or wrong, this isn't about that.  it's about me not seeing the good in a person. not anymore.  because i do see it and am drawn to it, and when it's focused on me, even for a fraction of the time, i want to keep it always.  but when it's taken away from me, through no fault of my own, well, then it becomes toxic to me.  whether that's wrong, i don't much care, you see, because i simply can't care anymore.  you hurt my feelings and for that you must pay.  this is how i work.  whether it's right, that's debatable.
so, here i sit, thinking that what's good about you is what i'm depriving myself of, and by depriving you of me, i get my revenge.  and i'm sorry for that.
and good luck.  because i want good things for you.
Friday, March 12, 2010
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